All Moppers are Moppets

In a serious and scholarly piece of research conducted by our own Jamie Harding, members of Claremont Road Runners were surveyed to ask the best thing to say to MOPPERS. These are the dangerous people who insist on running, walking or cycling in the middle of the path, forcing others to take evasive action. The results were:

In first place with five votes “Your actions demonstrate the dominance of ruthless individualism over collective responsibility that has been evident in the UK from 1979 to the current toilet roll shortage.”

In second place with four votes “Are you selfish or just thick?”

And in third place with two votes “I’m going to sneeze.”

There was one vote for the 1980s classic Police single “Don’t stand so close to me” and one person offered an additional comment “I won’t actually say this but will convey my thoughts through my expression. Which the MOPPER is too dumb to interpret. Doh!”

Six people offered their own suggestions:

“Don’t say anything, just give them a severely unimpressed look”

“Will not say anything to the MOPPER and will go running with my fell shoes on”

“Do the British thing and just glare at them while running as far to the edge of the path as possible”

“Set Lucy the Lab on them”

“I used to be scared of dogs, now it’s the owners I’m scared of”

“Please move to the side; make room for those who walk, run, ride” (announced poetically, so it sort of rhymes)